ghostharasser | Open Post

[Dipper will slowly try again to pick up the sandwich. He is weirdly delicate with it, but he does manage to take a bite while Stan talks.]

...Kind of like instinct, or something. Intuition, maybe?

[He does crack a small smile to Stan's display of pyrotechnics, before he also sits up a little. Stan is taking his question serious so he can't back out of asking.]

Does it ...worry you? That we can do stuff like this?

[Dipper feels like he's done nothing but worrying about it. To the point that it keeps him up. Maybe asking someone outside his own brain will actually help.]

A little more than that, but yeah. Pretty much.

[Stan raises an eyebrow and tilts his head a bit, genuinely not sure what Dipper's getting at.]

What? Why? Everyone else who washed up here can.

[And it's not like he's so worried about it that he won't do things like turn himself into a human panini press.]

[That's a pretty straight forward way to put it. It's so blunt, actually that Dipper opens his mouth, and then closes it again, a little at a loss for how to explain. He hesitates.]

Well, yeah, but they all manifest differently for everyone, right? And- that's also kind of something to be worried about, like, yeah, all of us that washed up here got these weird powers, and these weird bodies, and that still somehow seperates us from the rest of the people here. The implications-

[He's getting a little worked up, like the anxiety just decides to explode out of him. He doesn't sound upset, but he sounds anxious as hell.]

You can't deny how tailored ours are- like. I-I dunno, I just.

[Come on Dipper, spit it out.]

I had ...kind of a scary moment during the exorcism mess that I keep thinking about.

[Stan is equally at a loss of how to react to all of whatever this is, but he lets Dipper get it out of his system at least. He knows from experience with Ford that sometimes people like them just have to get all the anxious rambling out first before the get to the point.

And Dipper does get there. Powers tailored to them, a scary thing during the exorcism...]

Scary than the exorcism itself?

[It's not really funny, not when Ford and Dipper have both dealt with more exorcisms than they can count, even including Ford's extra digits. And especially not given the aftermath of it all.]

I'm just messing with you. You, uh. ...Wanna tell me what happened?

[He's here and listening, even if he tries to cut tension now and then.]

Edited 2024-07-26 01:34 (UTC)

[It's a fair point to bring up, and yeah, it kind of was. If he's still thinking about it in the wake of everything else.]

[But Stan offers to listen, anyway, and doesn't poke too much fun at him, which is good and relieving and he feels some tension drain out of him. While his thoughts fling back and forth between feeling guilty that Stan is still being so accommodating to him when he'd acted like such a shitty little kid before, how Stan must be worried if his mocking has been toned down, how Stan hasn't really mocked him like that in a really long time anyway. He has to shut it all down or it's probably his powers will bleed it out of him instead.]

[He takes a deep breath.]

Yeah. So ...I won't get into the specifics of how the magic works, how I set it up, because honestly, I was crazy while coming up with it. A key part of making it work was using my powers and I did it in the same way that Bill used them on me once. It didn't work...but, what I did was crazy enough for me to realize that emulating him was the closest I got to really controlling them.

[Oh. That's what he means by tailored. The dots connect pretty quick after that.]

Look...I know it's a sore spot, but he's gone. Even if you do something kinda like how he did it, it's not him. And it's never gonna be.

[Maybe he's off the mark, but after Deerington that's naturally the first place his mind goes - reassurances that Bill isn't here and he's not pulling any strings.

But, on the other hand...he rubs the back of his neck, awkwardly.]

...Did Ford ever tell you what happened when we figured out my powers, when we first got here?

[It's not completely on the mark, but he does appreciate the reassurances. Especially because Stan probably knows that Dipper is always ...quietly worried about this fact.]

...I know. That isn't ...completely what's bothering me.

[He perks up a little, giving Stan a curious look. A thoughtful pause while he tries to remember if Ford has mentioned this. After a moment he shakes his head.]

No, I don't think so, why?

[Ford probably won't love that he's sharing this, but it's a little too late now.]

Way back when we first got here and he was taking samples of all our blood...I was down in the lab with him and we got little ice cubes of mine eventually, but then we got talking and I moved my hands the wrong way and...well.

[He assumes Dipper won't have the same reaction since he's already seen him toast sandwiches tonight, so he demonstrates. He shrugs his shoulders the way he did that day, and the swish of his hands into that pose sets them on fire. He doesn't let it last long though, and shakes his hands to put the bright blue flames out. His flames are always that electric blue.]

Anyway, neither of us saw it coming and Ford actually panicked since I looked like, y'know. Bill. I got him to calm down and we spent a while testing it but... [He lets out a pressurized sigh.] ...You're not the only one who's noticed their powers are kinda Bill-ish.

[A pause though, as Dipper's answer fully hits.]

Wait, if that's not it then what's eating you?

Edited 2024-07-26 04:35 (UTC)

[It's okay he can keep a secret. Anyway, he kind of gets why Ford would flip the fuck out. After Bill was basically killed in Stan's mind, it's probably been a worry for all of them that ...something could yet linger. Ford's entire mental break back in October had hinged on this fear.]

[Dipper, to his credit, doesn't jump when Stan flicks on the flames, mostly because he did have warning and he has gotten used to them by now. He watches them for a moment before frowning in thought. It really did seem like with the exception of Mabel, they all got a weird slice of the Cipher pie.]

Whether he's here or not won't matter all that much if I just turn into a worse version of him.

[So there it is, the real root of this. And maybe Stan will find this worry of his absurd and dumb and laugh at him about it. Maybe he is just over thinking everything, but if he doesn't get this worry out, he'll never know.]

It's already pretty clear we're not human anymore, so what if ...that's where we're heading.

[Stan doesn't have a great filter on the best of days, so hopefully Dipper will forgive him for making a face at that question.]

Why a worse version of him? That's kinda overkill, don't you think? Bill would never worry this much about all the crap he pulls on people. That's probably a good sign, right?

[Just like how bad people don't wonder if they're bad people - apparently neither do bad triangles.]

Look, I can't tell you why we can do some of the same stuff he can do, but it doesn't make us just like him. And...I dunno, maybe we can find other ways for you to tap into your powers so they actually feel like your powers. Dont ask me how yet, but we can probably figure out something.

[Maybe this is too much, the real overkill, but it's rough hearing Dipper be this hard on himself over who he is in this new world. It boils down to Bill ruining another thing for their family and it .ales him want to fling Bill into the ocean by one of his points, like a ninja star. ]

Edited 2024-07-26 06:03 (UTC)

[Stan makes a face, but what he says does strike a chord with Dipper. It's reassurance, which, Dipper does need right now. Even if maybe he could anxiously work around if he thought hard enough about it.]

[He doesn't, though, because he is instead kind of really touched that Stan is just straight up offering to help him. Like, even if Stan thinks what he's worrying about is stupid, he's still offering to assuage those fears in some productive manner. That means the world to him.]

[And reminds him again of how unfair he's been to Stan lately.]

[Uugh, here it comes. His emotions have also been going haywire since they got to Trench and this was already enough for him to feel emotional without the unchecked empathy. Sorry Stan, he literally can't help that he just. Started crying and is trying really hard to keep it from getting worse.]

[Stan was absolutely not expecting tears. If anything he thought he'd get pushback, or some reason why it wasn't that simple or whatever. But something about what he said breaks Dipper into pieces and Stan is startled, concerned, and awkward all at once. Startcernkward? He lifts a hand up to placate him.]

Uh...I mean, we don't have to. It's just a suggestion; take it with a grain of salt, alright? We can do whatever'll help.

[Fuck, he should've just let it go. He can't really help it though, not after all the other times he's seen Dipper cry between here and Deerington. This is just the first one that doesn't seem to have an obvious cause, other than "Stan probably said the wrong thing at the wrong time".]

[Oh, and now he's backpedaling because he thinks he said the wrong thing, which makes Dipper feel even worse. All of this was stupid and sucked and Dipper can't do anything to fix it until he gets his goddamn emotions under control.]

No-

[God, even just trying to talk was way too hard right now. He forces himself to take a deep breath, but god does it all want out of him like some kind of horrible emotions demon.]

I'm the worst.

[There, the demon's expelled, now he is just going to cry in earnest for a second until he can catch his breath.]

[This time Stan bites his tongue and just lets Dipper get it all out of his system, even though he's pretty sure he should be doing something for him.

In the end he decides to get up and grab some napkins and slide them over to Dipper so he's got some tissues at least. By the time he settles back in his own seat, the crying is settling into breathing.]

...Better?

[He knows Dipper can't possibly be 100% after that, but it feels like the right thing to say, maybe.]

So, you wanna tell me what's going on?

[It's a question, but it also sort of isn't. Stan isn't going to make him, but he'll also wonder about it until he knows, and Dipper probably knows that. It's on his radar in a way it wasn't before, so it will keep coming up.]

[It feels both good and awful to get it out of his system. He feels spent and exhausted and he's already getting the distant pangs of a headache, but at the same time, there's a thrum of anxiety that isn't there anymore. He's also realizing that he just ...exploded into crying like this without any warning and now Stan is probably even more distressed. He does owe him some kind of explanation. Or confession.]

[He takes the napkins and at least tries to clean himself up.]

...Yeah. S-Sorry, I-

[Okay, try again. Get it under control. He takes a deep breath and sits back in his chair.]

...I'm sorry about ...literally everything. The stupid fight we had, where I was such a monster to you. I'm sorry that I asked if you regretted coming through the doors, like that wasn't really shitty to just say out of the blue, I don't know what's actually wrong with me, I have to be the worst nephew in the multiverse-

--Dipper. Dipper. Look at me.

[The plan was to listen and hear him out, but the kid's already spiraling into guilt and despair again. Someone has to hit the breaks here.]

You weren't a monster to me. You were a scared, pissed-off jerk of a teenager, sure, but not a monster. And you're not the worst nephew in the multiverse either. And we already know what's wrong, right? So maaaybe you got a little corrupted. Big whoop! I hear it happens a lot around here! But people heal from it. You are gonna heal from it.

[Healing sucks and it can't feel great to not be at 100% yet, but that doesn't mean he's never going to be back to baseline again.]

Besides, you're worrying WAY too much about what I think anyway. You're the kid here! You asked a question and I answered it. You really don't have to worry about my feelings with that kinda stuff. I can handle it!

[He does stop and look. He let's Stan talk, and while he can't let go of those feelings so easily. Especially after he catastophesized them so much in his own head, it does ...help, to at least hear Stan doesn't consider him the worst, even if Dipper still thinks a little bit that he should.]

[He isn't so convinced everything can be blamed on corruption, either. That feels like ...a far too convenient out.]

[While he does sound calmer, he doesn't sound entirely better.]

That isn't true, though. [He only gives that a moment before he realizes that could be taken super wrong.] Of course I have to worry. I can't not worry. If... If I had worried more maybe-

[You know, that's something he hasn't thought about in a long time. But- yeah, you know what, maybe Dipper's near obsession with trying to keep their family together, and being terrified of it splitting apart has come from somewhere after all.]

...I just, don't want to see us all split apart. Especially if it somehow ends up being my fault.

[Of course it feels that way - he's corrupted and it's making him blame too much on himself.

Now that Dipper's not going a mile a minute rambling, Stan lets him get the full thought out without cutting him off. A more clear picture is coming into place. A phone call muffled in his memory from relatives who never really knew him. Crackling flames in the receiver, begging him for help with their kids.]

...So three things about that.

[One thumb up!]

One - you really think after everything we've been through that it'd be that easy to split us apart now? Even death can't do it anymore! All of you even got me to go through that stupid cramped flesh hole to get here, and I wouldn't do that for just anybody!

[Dipper might remember Stan looking like he was going to have a heart attack by the time they got through it, which probably didn't help when he was wondering if Stan regretted the whole thing. Stan made the choice not to elaborate and insist he was fine.

Second finger up!]

Two - if something like that happened, and it was actually someone's fault, it'd probably be mine. And don't you go getting all sad for me about it - it's not gonna happen, but I'm just saying! The numbers aren't great!

[And a third and final finger up!]

And three - again, you're the kid here. ...Well, you and Mabel, you know what I mean. It's not your job to hold everybody together like glue. Me and Ford are supposed to be the ones doing that right now, and if we ever hit the point where we were actually blaming you kids, we'd be...well, we'd be pretty lousy caretakers.

[They would be like their dad, who had no qualms blaming his kids for anything he felt like.]

[Stan sure is trying to appeal to his sense of logic and nerdy love of numbers, huh. It's nice to have the assurance, at least, that Stan really doesn't feel that way. That he's so confident they'll stay together.]

[It helps, even if the anxiety in his brain is going crazy at the thought of it, and at the thought that he's voicing all of this out loud now after ...what? two, three years? Is it worth it to admit he'd been so scared of them splitting up at the start that he'd stressed himself sick over it back in Deerington?]

...I thought the same about Mom and Dad, you know. That's why I started to wonder if ...if I really should be more worried about it. Maybe if I'd worried sooner, I could have changed things.

[That feels so far away now, but even saying it makes him realize it never left him.]

When we first got to Deerington, I could tell. You and Grunkle Ford were trying to keep things patched up, but it always felt like a thread minutes from snapping. I couldn't just do nothing. So I worried, and I worried, and I tried to get between you two when I could. Now, I guess I can't turn it off.

...They sent you kids to me so you wouldn't have to worry about it. You know that, right?

[Dipper's pretty smart. He knows what was going on with his parents, so surely he figured this part out.]

Besides, what were you gonna do? Be a tiny marriage counselor? Whatever they were going through, none of that was on you.

[Then Dipper lets out the rest and Stan sighs.]

Yeah...you did butt in a lot, huh? [The choice of words is rough, but only Stan could make them sound weirdly affectionate.] That was different though. We spent so long apart that, well. We kinda had to figure out how to fight like normal people again? I mean, as far as I know your parents didn't spend basically over forty years not talking to each other and no one chucked anyone through a portal.

[Dipper isn't imagining the tension there. Some of it was fear from both sides that they were going to screw things up again. It all fell apart easily enough the first time, so they had to learn how to trust each other. They had to work through some things and really show they were going to be there for each other, no matter what.]

People fight. You're probably gonna hear us fight again. Heck, you and me are prolly gonna fight again. But that doesn't mean any of us are going anywhere.

[God its like. Years of tension and anxiety that had always been misplaced are getting some kind of closure. While it will take a miracle for Dipper to really put aside that part of himself that feels all this misplaced responsibility, being told out right that it was okay if these things didn't fall to him is actually something he needed to hear.]

[It is hard to swallow, but he needed it either way.]

It's scary ...not knowing if one of these fights is going to be the final straw. I guess I couldn't deal with even just the thought that something might tear us apart.
I know you said I shouldn't worry about stuff like that but it's like, literally impossible not for me to be on high alert basically all the time.

[He sighs, Stan puts it all very bluntly, but thats fine because that means Dipper's finally caught onto the root of the issue. He's quiet a moment.]

I guess ...I really didn't learn much about trust after all.

[It's not that Stan's never been anxious. He's had to be on high alert before, and there have even been points where that high alert feeling was on all the time - like that shitty October in Deerington. But he's pretty sure that's different, and it's different in a way he kind of gets from a distance.]

You know who you really oughta talk to about that part? Ford. The guy's a tangled-up bundle of nerves and trust issues and he's been overthinking since the day we were born, but...

[Stan pauses, a little flustered to admit this part so candidly. He kind of rushes through it--]

...well, he's come a long way, alright? So he might know a thing or two about it.

[HIS BROTHER FINALLY TRUSTS HIM AGAIN AND HE'S NOT GOING TO GET EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT, OKAY?]

A-Anyway! There's a difference between worrying about something and having to actually do something about it. You can just...I dunno. [An awkward beat. None of them are great at this part, but...] ...talk to us? Probably?

[Well, Stan isn't really wrong there, is he? Dipper ...kind of knows already, considering what he wrote at the end of the journals. Ford did a whole lot of praising of him, too, that made him even more worried about admitting all of this because what if that affected how proud Ford was of him...?]

[Perhaps it is better in the end, to feel some manner of equalization in all of this. Dipper has long since held Ford on the pedestal he used to, but at the same time, maybe it's okay for Dipper to not try and act like he has to embody so much of what people praise in him to the point it starts wearing him down.]

[However, any comment he might have had about that kind of grounds to a halt.]

...Really? Grunkle Stan, are you really suggesting we just talk stuff out like a functional family? Okay, so like, you're definitely a pod-person right now, right?

[Look.]

[Stan bristles at that call out and crosses his arms.]

Can it or this "pod-person" is gonna come over there and affectionately noogie you until all the extra worrying starts coming outta your ears!

[He probably won't - not when Dipper's sore and wobbly as it is - but he's still going to bluff.]

[Stan reacts and Dipper starts to laugh.]

[A nice far cry from earlier when he was crying and stressed and tearing himself to pieces over an enormous amount of anxiety and worrying.]

Haha, no way, you'll have to catch me first.

[Which is also a bluff because they both know Dipper's barely been able to walk since he came back. He settles down a little, picking up his sandwich.]

...Thanks, though. That actually means a lot to me.

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charlastan - 2024-07-27 23:47 (UTC) - Expand