ghostharasser | Open Post

[Danny nearly chokes on a handful of chips.]

Sorry... Bill?? You're telling me the fucked up nightmare demon who's been tormenting you for years is named BILL?

Couldn’t make it up if I tried. Bill Cipher is his full name, but I wouldn’t be surprised if its an alias or something, given he’s from another dimension and a trillion years old.

[Welp, Danny has to wheeze laugh at that for a moment, don't mind him.]

Wow. That's the dumbest name I've ever heard, and Amity Park has the Box Ghost.

[Alias or not, it's also one more bit of info Danny's filing away to ask around the Ghost Zone about later. He's also somewhat relieved it didn't turn out to be Nocturn, honestly. His subjects are supposed to be behaving now, thank you.

(Also, note to self: never tell Dipper that his hometown tried to dub Phantom Invis-o-Bill at first.)]

[Yes, yes, laugh harder. Every time someone dunks on this shitty dorito, Dipper hopes he feels it in his shitty little theraprison cell.]

It is pretty dumb, I agree. I think it's also a really terrible pun, because he looks like the eye of providence on the back of the dollar bill, but like if the eye of providence dressed like Mr. Peanut.

[He hopes Bill can feel their ridicule with each sick burn.]

Which is to say, incredibly disarming appearance until he's growing three stories tall, sprouting teeth and other orifices all over his body, and then climbing the walls while screaming in tongues. That's a particular favorite of his.

[Danny should not have tried to stuff more chips into his mouth the moment he caught his breath, because now it's really hard not to spew them all over the floor as Dipper's description sends him back into hysterics. It takes a minute of wheezing, coughing, and swallowing before he can speak again.]

Oh Ancients, he can't even make a good pun?? Oh man... I'm not sure I could even take a giant horror version of that seriously!

[He gives another cough, managing to straighten back up a little.]

Dipper, man, you gotta find a way to get this loser deformed Mr. Peanut out of your head. A cartoon demon who can't even pun properly is NOT worth it.

[Dipper can't help it. Seeing someone laugh so much at Bill's expense manages to make him crack a smile, too. It's been a while since he could laugh about this after the years of dealing with it.]

We're working on it. When things get into the realm of inter-planetary-metaphysical reality, it gets a little tricky.

[It's a lot of research and fucking around, but he knows his uncles are also working on it, too.]

Anyway, he didn't get much of an opportunity to mess around in my head. Something actually put me to sleep, and I remember him being so mad about it. Then whatever Mabel drugged me with after she was done healing me did the rest.

Oh yeah, that was this.

[Danny pulls the bottle Mabel gave him out of his pocket, tossing it to Dipper.]

She gave me one too and like, I definitely could've used the help sleeping, but I didn't know if it'd make my ecto-contamination flip out or something. Figured I'd better not risk it.

[It's not really a lie! Danny glances back at the TV, where the episode is just wrapping up.]

Man, I wish we knew what it was that gave Bill the boot, though. Especially because he'll probably be back pissed off and ready to put you through more hell than usual.

[He shakes his bag of chips, then tilts the remaining chip shards and pile of flavoring into his mouth. It hadn't been him, had it? That's... not something that Danny can do, he thinks? At least not unintentionally. He can enter dreams and believe him, he's half a mind to jump into Dipper's just to give this asshole a taste of ecto-laser, but he wouldn't want to do that without permission. Which would require Dipper knowing first. Which ehhhh... they're not quite there yet, if it happens. Maybe he should seek out a certain dream ghost...

Outwardly, it just looks like he's thinking really hard for a moment as he stares at the empty chip bag and chews.]

[Dipper catches it with a little fumbling. He's tired, fucking sue him. He cocks an eyebrow at that excuse but decides not to question it. Honestly it worked so well, he'd like to have more of them. Mabel was really onto something with these.]

Fair enough!

[Anyway, Danny brings up a good point, and now that he's awake and thinking about it, a few ideas come to mind. He passes a glance at Danny and then frowns, rubbing his chin in thought.]

Luckily that's business as usual. He's real mad at my family for basically punching him into the afterlife to begin with. But ...I think-

[He remembers seeing Phantom- or rather, what he assumes must be Danny's alter ego that he is definitely not owning up to right now. He thinks maybe its a bad time to bring that up.]

I had kind of a weird in-between dream, like I was flying or something. I guess that's a pretty normal sounding dream so it's probably nothing, but it's the last thing I can remember before it all going black.

[Danny stiffens slightly, suddenly looking a little nervous.]

Oh... really? Yeah... yeah, you're right, it's probably nothing! Flying and falling dreams are pretty common, right? A-and I was carrying you, so maybe that's just how your brain interpreted the movement, haha!

[Is this guy for fucking real]

Yeah, that's probably it. I guess right now it'll just be a mystery. Good to know it's even possible at this point, honestly.

[He leans back against the couch a little.]

Anyway, I think I have a bigger problem then I realized when it comes to figuring out who the curse wizard is.

[Listen, this guy grew up with parents who can't read social cues if they're spelled out in flashing neon signs, and a general populace that isn't much better. Up until now, that kind of deflection has actually mostly worked.

He might also have forgotten that Dipper already caught him floating.

Regardless, Danny's still thankful for the topic change.]

Oh yeah?

[He falls quiet a moment.]

I was ambushed, by someone who knew enough about who might come snooping to prepare for it.

[He takes a sip of juice, thoughtful despite how much glitter contamination is all over him.]

I'm not an ameteur, I've been fighting monsters and punching cultists since I was twelve. This guy got the jump on me because he knew exactly who or what I was. That's concerning.

[Oh. Hmm. Danny is suddenly a little worried about the fact that he left a pissed off calling card. Oops?]

Yeesh. No kidding. Know if any enemies of yours fit the uh... bill?

[Okay he has to snicker a bit at himself as he says that. The pun wasn't entirely intentional, but it's still funny.]

[Danny gets something of a fond eyeroll for the pun. Stan would probably like your sense of humor, Danny.]

[But he does pause for a moment to think about it.]

None come to mind that have that kind of power and would be lurking on a college campus. I might have to go back through some of my previous jobs and see if there's any ...I dunno, relatives of people I've pissed off? That could be swearing vengeance on my me or my family? Hell, it could be someone mad at my uncle, too. He's made dimensions worth of enemies, come to think of it.

[Which means he's already got a headache thinking about it.]

I'll have to do some research. In the meantime, I'll set up some wards around the dorm to make sure nothing comes to cause us trouble here, just in case.

Yeah, probably a good idea.

["Dimensions worth?" Well, at least Danny's pretty sure there aren't any of note from the Ghost Zone, or he'd have heard about it. Maybe. Probably? Pines sure get around, huh. He tries to think of anything he could do as well, but comes up empty. "Ghost sense" is really the only preemptive trick he has, huh.]

Whoever it is, I hope we can get that creep to beat it. Who needs classes AND supernatural vendettas? [A beat, Danny sets the chip bag he's been holding on the coffee table and shoves his heads back in his pockets.] So uh, would this be a weird time to ask a totally unrelated question?

Definitely not me. Look, even though I like to exorcise possessed toasters in my free time doesn't mean I'm trying to have my grades tank from warlocks with personal beef.

[Like, even he is unhappy with this much supernatural meddling.]

[A pause and he gives Danny a curious look.]

Shoot, I guess.

You wanna come to that scifi con nearby with me and my friends in a couple weeks? They were planning to visit for it, and I think you'd all get along. Mabel's invited too if she wants.

[That, and on the off chance they're still embroiled in warlock personal beef by then, Danny wouldn't feel great leaving Dipper on his own for a weekend. Regardless, it's the main point of The Plan. (To get Dipper more friends.)]

[It sure is telling how unprepared for that question Dipper is by the way the gears in his head grind to a halt. He has a strikingly bewildered look on his face while he actually processes that.]

Uh.

[Oh god he’s been staring silently for WAY too long. What’s he say?? Does he say yes?? It sounds like a ton of fun? He’s been to cons before but mostly to help Mabel run an artist alley table but as a group activity with friends-]

I um. Are you sure? I-I mean, you’ve seen the way trouble follows me, you sure you want to invite me anywhere?

["Someone who can handle themselves when shit gets weird and dangerous is EXACTLY the ONLY kind of person I CAN invite" is what Danny wants to yell, but he reins it in, just giving a slightly awkward laugh.]

Of course I do! There's nothing you can get into that we can't handle, trust me. We all grew up in the most literal ghost town ever, remember?

Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah, that’s pretty true, huh.

[He looks away, a little embarrassed by how touched he is by the gesture while trying to also not make it super obvious how fun this sounds. Cough.]

Sure, man. It sounds like fun. I’ll talk to Mabel about it too, she likes to sell art at these places.

[Man, Danny was just trying to make this a casual invite, but it's worse than he thought if Dipper is THIS awkward about hanging out with friends. All the more reason to press on, though.]

Awesome! Yeah, that seems right up her alley. I'll let everyone know you're coming! We're all weird nerds, so no worries, right? Well, except Wes. I think he still counts as a jock, kind of. But he's cool, promise.

[Oh yeah, that guy Dipper has definitely not talked to about Amity Park behind Danny's back. HAHAHA this will be fun.]

[Good thing Danny's noted his social awkwardness already so it doesn't look THAT suspicious when he suddenly sputters.]

O-Oh, good to know! It's been a while since I've, uh. Hung out in a group! I can't wait, man.

[Smooth. He chugs down his bottle of Mabel Juice. After coughing up more glitter-]

Anyway, I think I should go see how much damage has been done to my class workload since I've been out. I've got a mountain of homework with my name on it.

Well I've never had a friend who wasn't from Amity Park before either, so hey, same.

[Danny can't help but wince a little as Dipper brings up the class catchup, though.]

Oh man, yeah, I bet. I should check mine too, I guess. [He might have been avoiding doing so while waiting for Dipper to wake up.] Good luck!

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oh of course I notice a typo in the last post now

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