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[ Sorry, Dipper, he's not responding back because he's on the move.
He's hunting down the squidboy. Sure he knows where he's at thanks to the comment. But where's the fun in just knocking?
So Dipper might hear a thud on the roof of his place, and the telltale sound of padded claws click clicking as Beat tries to find a way in. Windows boarded up, but maybe a chimney he can drop into.
... He might ruin the surprise though by passing and speaking loud enough to be heard: ]
Yo, is it the three lil' pigs who had the house the wolf blew down?
He's hunting down the squidboy. Sure he knows where he's at thanks to the comment. But where's the fun in just knocking?
So Dipper might hear a thud on the roof of his place, and the telltale sound of padded claws click clicking as Beat tries to find a way in. Windows boarded up, but maybe a chimney he can drop into.
... He might ruin the surprise though by passing and speaking loud enough to be heard: ]
Yo, is it the three lil' pigs who had the house the wolf blew down?
[So the thing about the house this cabin was modeled after is it probably has more than one fire place, because it's a funhouse of a log cabin whose layout and blue prints leaves Kei awake at night contemplating her life choices.]
[The sound of something handing on their roof is something Dipper can hear clearly, because his room is up in the attic more or less. He jolts out of his chair, reaching for his gun when-]
[...]
Yeah, man. You got it.
[Anyway, rather than a gun, Dipper hits the switch and converts it to it's polearm form and peers into the fireplace opening. He slides it up into the chimney stack and hits another button, causing the blades at the tip to recede.]
Hang on just a second, I'm going to pop off the boarding on the chimney so you can come down. Stand back by like, five feet.
[That's the only warning Beat gets before a chunk of wood is blasted out of the chimney by a point blank shotgun blast.]
[The sound of something handing on their roof is something Dipper can hear clearly, because his room is up in the attic more or less. He jolts out of his chair, reaching for his gun when-]
[...]
Yeah, man. You got it.
[Anyway, rather than a gun, Dipper hits the switch and converts it to it's polearm form and peers into the fireplace opening. He slides it up into the chimney stack and hits another button, causing the blades at the tip to recede.]
Hang on just a second, I'm going to pop off the boarding on the chimney so you can come down. Stand back by like, five feet.
[That's the only warning Beat gets before a chunk of wood is blasted out of the chimney by a point blank shotgun blast.]
Sweet! Lil' pig, lil' pig, lemme in! That's right?
[ He doesn't know and he'll shuffle around to avoid the chimney when told. Only... to be shocked by that and jerk back. There's no expecting THAT.
There's the sound of sliding, scrambling - ]
SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK!
[ - And then a thud somewhere on the ground in the distance. Followed, faintly, by: ]
I'M AIGHT.
[ There is a gentle knock on the door...... He'll help Dipper replace that wood later... ]
[ He doesn't know and he'll shuffle around to avoid the chimney when told. Only... to be shocked by that and jerk back. There's no expecting THAT.
There's the sound of sliding, scrambling - ]
SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK!
[ - And then a thud somewhere on the ground in the distance. Followed, faintly, by: ]
I'M AIGHT.
[ There is a gentle knock on the door...... He'll help Dipper replace that wood later... ]
[Oops.]
[Maybe. Maybe he should not have done that. Dipper runs down the stairs pretty quick to try and make sure he's okay only for Beat to knock on the door right as he gets there. He takes a second or two to undo all the paranoia locks and force open the door.]
Oh my god, I'm sorry, are you okay? The roof's slope is really steep, I should have accounted for that-
[ Beat's standing there trying to look cool. Like he didn't just slide off a roof, whammy himself on the V of the second roof, and land on his ass. He's currently smoothing some fur down, catching his breath.
He's a Cool Big Brother, totally not injured or anything at all. ]
Oh, pft, bro, nah it's aight. It ain't the first time it's happened.
[ Then he lunges and grabs Dipper up to throw him over his shoulder. And then very gently mock suplexes him into the ground, careful not to actually hurt him after all. ]
He's a Cool Big Brother, totally not injured or anything at all. ]
Oh, pft, bro, nah it's aight. It ain't the first time it's happened.
[ Then he lunges and grabs Dipper up to throw him over his shoulder. And then very gently mock suplexes him into the ground, careful not to actually hurt him after all. ]
[Dipper is looking for Visible Injuries and seems to sigh in relief when it looks like he didn't break anything. Beat's a werewolf, and if it's something he reluctantly learned from being forced to listen to Grenda reading Werewolf erotica to him while he was trapped in his sister's body, is that they are sturdy creatures.]
[He doesn't question Beat being a serial roof tumbler, either, because Paul Bunyan knows he's had Roof Incidents himself. It's not that weird.]
[-AND THEN HE'S GETTING GRABBED.]
WHOA!
[He is so easy to sling like a sack of potatoes, its really sad, but also it makes it really easy to mock!suplex him like Beat wants. Which means, Dipper knows its Silly Time.]
No fair trying to get the jump on me, man!
[He is going to wiggle around until he can get out of his grasp and leap onto his back in a mock!chokehold]
[He doesn't question Beat being a serial roof tumbler, either, because Paul Bunyan knows he's had Roof Incidents himself. It's not that weird.]
[-AND THEN HE'S GETTING GRABBED.]
WHOA!
[He is so easy to sling like a sack of potatoes, its really sad, but also it makes it really easy to mock!suplex him like Beat wants. Which means, Dipper knows its Silly Time.]
No fair trying to get the jump on me, man!
[He is going to wiggle around until he can get out of his grasp and leap onto his back in a mock!chokehold]
[ Please never talk to Beat about werewolf erotica. His husband would write it. Yeah.
He cackles to the no fair, tail wagging as he lets Dipper wiggle and go for the chokehold, his hands going to his arm in play OH NO. ]
I'm a PREDATOR, BRO. S'what we DO!
[ Mock choking, he opens his mouth and oh so very gently turns his head to 'gnaw' at Dippers arm. His teeth don't even snag clothing, but he does drool a lot on him. Enjoy those utterly terrifying growls.
Also sneezes. Just to make sure Dipper knows it's all in play. Then stands and drags Dipper with him. ]
The fuck was wid the wood in the chimney? Parta the defense?
He cackles to the no fair, tail wagging as he lets Dipper wiggle and go for the chokehold, his hands going to his arm in play OH NO. ]
I'm a PREDATOR, BRO. S'what we DO!
[ Mock choking, he opens his mouth and oh so very gently turns his head to 'gnaw' at Dippers arm. His teeth don't even snag clothing, but he does drool a lot on him. Enjoy those utterly terrifying growls.
Also sneezes. Just to make sure Dipper knows it's all in play. Then stands and drags Dipper with him. ]
The fuck was wid the wood in the chimney? Parta the defense?
Edited 2024-10-20 02:31 (UTC)
[Mabel would love Josh and that knowledge in itself is horrifying.]
Your apex instincts are no match for squid tactics! Pines! Pines! Pines!
[And having conquered his terrifying adversary, Dipper is happy to just be Beat's teen cape and hold onto his shoulders while he walks around.]
Yep! Gotta board up all the entry points so nothing can get in! Nothing is scarier then having frost zombies try and force their way in through the chimneys because you got complacent. Or maybe some cloud of man eating demon wasps! Or blood rain!
[Dipper points Beat towards the kitchen.]
You hungry?
Your apex instincts are no match for squid tactics! Pines! Pines! Pines!
[And having conquered his terrifying adversary, Dipper is happy to just be Beat's teen cape and hold onto his shoulders while he walks around.]
Yep! Gotta board up all the entry points so nothing can get in! Nothing is scarier then having frost zombies try and force their way in through the chimneys because you got complacent. Or maybe some cloud of man eating demon wasps! Or blood rain!
[Dipper points Beat towards the kitchen.]
You hungry?
Edited 2024-10-20 03:17 (UTC)
[ It reminds him of his sister. Adopted. Hilariously enough, his nickname for her was Squiddles. It makes him smile a little. He just manages to find the squids and family them. ]
Huh... ye, feel that! We ain't had frost zombies but we had like... you ever seen that movie where they all infected with anger? Ye we had those fuckers. Got so used to shit yer house became yer fortress. An' fuckin' yeah I am, bro! Always!
[ He will cape Dipper off into the direction of the kitchen, grinning as he looks around. And looks around... ]
Uh... dude. Y'all ever hear of paint? Carpet?
Huh... ye, feel that! We ain't had frost zombies but we had like... you ever seen that movie where they all infected with anger? Ye we had those fuckers. Got so used to shit yer house became yer fortress. An' fuckin' yeah I am, bro! Always!
[ He will cape Dipper off into the direction of the kitchen, grinning as he looks around. And looks around... ]
Uh... dude. Y'all ever hear of paint? Carpet?
[Surprise Beat, the whole house probably smells faintly of squid now that Dipper's uncles are here and also Squid-like.]
Oh, man, I think I know what you're talking about. I don't think we had those guys but we've probably had something similar. Crazy stuff like that was always happening to us. Our house had lots of giant monster bones built into it after a while to reinforce it so it probably looked like a fortress.
[He's already thinking about some stuff he can cook up. He knows Beat doesn't care for sweets but you can make a pie with meat!!]
Huh? Oh! I mean, sure, but the house is old and we haven't had much time to do a lot to it yet. There's carpet in some places! But it's a log cabin, dude. It's supposed to look like wood.
Oh, man, I think I know what you're talking about. I don't think we had those guys but we've probably had something similar. Crazy stuff like that was always happening to us. Our house had lots of giant monster bones built into it after a while to reinforce it so it probably looked like a fortress.
[He's already thinking about some stuff he can cook up. He knows Beat doesn't care for sweets but you can make a pie with meat!!]
Huh? Oh! I mean, sure, but the house is old and we haven't had much time to do a lot to it yet. There's carpet in some places! But it's a log cabin, dude. It's supposed to look like wood.
[They're not avoiding him day one, but obviously they spend most of the day checking on their friends and it makes sense to give him space to properly reunite with his own family and friends... but Loop is currently crashing in their house, so. At some point he comes downstairs and they are simply Here, Existing, rolling a silver coin across their knuckles.
Despite not doing anything wrong (they're allowed to be here?? they asked???) they freeze in place like they are, staring awkwardly.
...
Welp, slipping back into old habits—] Welcome back, Ghostbuster! How can I help you on this wonderful new day?
Despite not doing anything wrong (they're allowed to be here?? they asked???) they freeze in place like they are, staring awkwardly.
...
Welp, slipping back into old habits—] Welcome back, Ghostbuster! How can I help you on this wonderful new day?
[Dipper knew Loop was here! Stan brought it up a while back and Dipper had shrugged it off because, this isn't anything new really. Their house had always had people coming and going back in Trench, and at the Shack back in Gravity Falls, Wendy, Soos, and Mabel's friends were always around like they lived there. That's just how it was. It felt more alive the more people were there.]
[So he'd shrugged and said, "oh sure" when Stan told him Loop was probably crashing for a bit. This isn't any different then finding Glitch eating out of their fridge at 3 am.]
Oh, hey Loop!
[It seems he caught them off guard, though. Oops. Time to be casual or something. He walks over to the bookshelf, replacing an old one and taking out a new one.]
Just grabbing a new book. [Ghostbuster, huh?] Grunkle Stan said you've been staying with us. What about you? Anything I can help with?
[So he'd shrugged and said, "oh sure" when Stan told him Loop was probably crashing for a bit. This isn't any different then finding Glitch eating out of their fridge at 3 am.]
Oh, hey Loop!
[It seems he caught them off guard, though. Oops. Time to be casual or something. He walks over to the bookshelf, replacing an old one and taking out a new one.]
Just grabbing a new book. [Ghostbuster, huh?] Grunkle Stan said you've been staying with us. What about you? Anything I can help with?
Oh, hah! Not really. [They do seem to relax a little, once the initial greetings have been exchanged. They go back to rolling their coin around idly. Something to do with their hands, for the nerves.]
Sorry, I didn't really get a chance to say hello before... but hey, you made it! You had a lot of people worried, you know. Even Timekeeper had a scary look when she found out! I don't think I've ever seen her that mad before, and believe me, I've tried~
Try to time your detective skills a little better next time, okay? [like not when you're in the room with an evil copy, maybe.]
Sorry, I didn't really get a chance to say hello before... but hey, you made it! You had a lot of people worried, you know. Even Timekeeper had a scary look when she found out! I don't think I've ever seen her that mad before, and believe me, I've tried~
Try to time your detective skills a little better next time, okay? [like not when you're in the room with an evil copy, maybe.]
[Ah. Hearing that is a little sobering. He doesn't look upset to here that, but there's a somber edge to his smile when Loop talks.]
[Yeah. It really had been a brick to the face to find out how many people had been upset about his death like that. Maybe that shouldn't come as such a surprise, but Dipper, who used to be the only kid in class who got zero Valentines, is always deeply humbled by the mere concept of making friends.]
[He flips the book open just to have something to do with his hands. He's similarly fidgety.]
Yeah. I heard that um. That Timekeeper was the one that took out that particular double. I've got some baked goods with her name on it.
[And of course, the mild call out.]
Noted. I can pretty safely say I made a mess out of that one. Grunkle Stan said you had it figured out pretty fast so, thanks for helping out my family.
[Yeah. It really had been a brick to the face to find out how many people had been upset about his death like that. Maybe that shouldn't come as such a surprise, but Dipper, who used to be the only kid in class who got zero Valentines, is always deeply humbled by the mere concept of making friends.]
[He flips the book open just to have something to do with his hands. He's similarly fidgety.]
Yeah. I heard that um. That Timekeeper was the one that took out that particular double. I've got some baked goods with her name on it.
[And of course, the mild call out.]
Noted. I can pretty safely say I made a mess out of that one. Grunkle Stan said you had it figured out pretty fast so, thanks for helping out my family.
[Their expressions softens, watching him closely. It's in their nature to tease, but they don't want to be mean about it... he's still just a kid, in the end. Sixteen is still too young to be going through something like that.
But he seems to be alright, for now, so they won't press any further. Comfort is something best left for those close to him, anyway.]
I didn't do much, really! The evidence was already there, all I did was make the call early. Stardust is too forgetful to be a criminal mastermind, so it's a good thing that trait passed along to his copy. [it's honestly kind of embarrassing, dropping the bloody murder weapon, not even covering up his tracks, no alibi to speak of... sad. they'd never let their stardust commit a murder this sloppily.]
And it was your Grunkle that proved it first! All I had was a gut feeling, but I learned a lot about photography that day~ He really saved my butt from the start, too. If he hadn't showed up when he did, I would've been done for before I had a chance to say anything!
But he seems to be alright, for now, so they won't press any further. Comfort is something best left for those close to him, anyway.]
I didn't do much, really! The evidence was already there, all I did was make the call early. Stardust is too forgetful to be a criminal mastermind, so it's a good thing that trait passed along to his copy. [it's honestly kind of embarrassing, dropping the bloody murder weapon, not even covering up his tracks, no alibi to speak of... sad. they'd never let their stardust commit a murder this sloppily.]
And it was your Grunkle that proved it first! All I had was a gut feeling, but I learned a lot about photography that day~ He really saved my butt from the start, too. If he hadn't showed up when he did, I would've been done for before I had a chance to say anything!
[Dipper listens, his smile turning from somber to one that is strangely knowing. Calculated almost. He gently raises an eye brow before he takes a seat on the couch.]
[No wonder Loop hit it off with Stan so fast. Just like how Siffrin reminded him a lot of Stan before, Loop sure does, too. What with this familiar vibe of downplaying their own accomplishments when it counts. Maybe there's something to what he saw with the glasses a few months ago.]
It sounds to me, that you guys were a fake match made in line heaven or ...something. Truly partners in crime. And murder. Murder solving.
[And to show how extra fine he is about it all.]
I can't believe I missed my own whodunnit.
[No wonder Loop hit it off with Stan so fast. Just like how Siffrin reminded him a lot of Stan before, Loop sure does, too. What with this familiar vibe of downplaying their own accomplishments when it counts. Maybe there's something to what he saw with the glasses a few months ago.]
It sounds to me, that you guys were a fake match made in line heaven or ...something. Truly partners in crime. And murder. Murder solving.
[And to show how extra fine he is about it all.]
I can't believe I missed my own whodunnit.
Edited 2024-10-26 07:29 (UTC)
[Haha, what's with that look? Their own smile doesn't change, but that's from practice and lacking most facial features, so. Good pokerface! Only feels a little like cheating.
The conversation still feels normal, so they try not to worry about it. Anyway,]
I think solving a murder is the opposite of a crime, actually! Unless it works differently where you're from? [the secret criminal code that forbids criminals from interfering with other criminals......... finally, a real crime they can remember and did on purpose.]
You would've spoiled the solution if you were here! It's no fun if you already know the answer. What would the rest of us be there for? It's not much of a whodunnit if the victim solves it himself.
The conversation still feels normal, so they try not to worry about it. Anyway,]
I think solving a murder is the opposite of a crime, actually! Unless it works differently where you're from? [the secret criminal code that forbids criminals from interfering with other criminals......... finally, a real crime they can remember and did on purpose.]
You would've spoiled the solution if you were here! It's no fun if you already know the answer. What would the rest of us be there for? It's not much of a whodunnit if the victim solves it himself.
[Good, don't worry about it.]
It's probably a crime to tamper with a crime scene without waiting for proper authorities to arrive. However, I don't know how much weight that holds when there's literally no cops out here. It's one of the only good things about this place.
[What a shocking thing for the nephew of Crime Uncle to say huh.]
Yeah, that's true. Maybe I could have been there to give ghostly clues like writing unhelpful hints on the walls in blood or something. Then we all could have been guilty of crime scene tampering.
[If he makes a joke he doesn't have to think very hard about the fact he got murdered. HAHA.]
It's probably a crime to tamper with a crime scene without waiting for proper authorities to arrive. However, I don't know how much weight that holds when there's literally no cops out here. It's one of the only good things about this place.
[What a shocking thing for the nephew of Crime Uncle to say huh.]
Yeah, that's true. Maybe I could have been there to give ghostly clues like writing unhelpful hints on the walls in blood or something. Then we all could have been guilty of crime scene tampering.
[If he makes a joke he doesn't have to think very hard about the fact he got murdered. HAHA.]
[ There is a a squad of squid here. A squaid if you will. Beat wants to sniff around into every nook-and-cranny but he heads for the kitchen first, like a good boy, tail wagging. Nodding away to the crazy stuff. ]
Every damn month, yo. Don't seem to be any different here, either. It's weird.
[ But he shrugs and then swings Dipper over his shoulder to 'slam' him down onto the kitchen floor, grinning upside down at him. Which probably looks silly from Dippers perspective with the dog face.
And snorts. ]
Well, if there's one thing I got good at is home repair, yo. Paintin', recarpetin', shit like that. Weird crap was always happenin' to our house. Or, ya know. Explodin' all inside it.
[ Do you have a fridge, Dipper? If so, Beat's going to open it and stick his nose in. Big snuffles. ]
Every damn month, yo. Don't seem to be any different here, either. It's weird.
[ But he shrugs and then swings Dipper over his shoulder to 'slam' him down onto the kitchen floor, grinning upside down at him. Which probably looks silly from Dippers perspective with the dog face.
And snorts. ]
Well, if there's one thing I got good at is home repair, yo. Paintin', recarpetin', shit like that. Weird crap was always happenin' to our house. Or, ya know. Explodin' all inside it.
[ Do you have a fridge, Dipper? If so, Beat's going to open it and stick his nose in. Big snuffles. ]
You know, I once coined a term for these kinds of places. Back in Trench I got into a whole discussion with people over the whole idea of there being dimensional pockets that draw people in and have weird monthly rotations of things happening. Multiversal Nexus Points. Weird how there's more than one, right? There's probably thousands.
[Weeee there he goes. Dipper lets Beat rag doll him about like its perfectly normal. Once Beat moves onto the fridge, Dipper gets up to start rummaging through cabinets. Beat will find a number of things, but most importantly: a left over breakfast casserole.]
You know, with how crazy stuff gets, that's a really handy skillset. I'm sure I'll have to hit you up at some point. If it's not the forest, I imagine one of my uncles will blow a hole in the wall somewhere at some point, it's inevitable.
What's your favorite food, dude?
[Weeee there he goes. Dipper lets Beat rag doll him about like its perfectly normal. Once Beat moves onto the fridge, Dipper gets up to start rummaging through cabinets. Beat will find a number of things, but most importantly: a left over breakfast casserole.]
You know, with how crazy stuff gets, that's a really handy skillset. I'm sure I'll have to hit you up at some point. If it's not the forest, I imagine one of my uncles will blow a hole in the wall somewhere at some point, it's inevitable.
What's your favorite food, dude?
Huh.... Multiversion Nexus Points is pretty spot on, yo. [ Close! ] I know about Alternate Worlds, so it kinda fits in wid that, right? If you got one "Horror Dimension" where yer a Gods puppet play thing, ain't it make sense fer there to be alternates of that. 'Stead of blood in one word an' you turn into Squids, itsa city covered in fog thats separate from the resta the world, and you turn into everythin'. Kinda weird how these places like to turn us into shit.
[ He holds the breakfast casserole over his head like treasure he found in an ancient sleeping kingdom, nose working as he sniffs upwards at it. Hmmmmm. That'll go on the counter. What else, lesse.... you let the dog into your fridge, Dipper, this is a bad idea. ]
Oh, dude, yeah. Holes in walls. Arcade machine through the ceilin'. Plants through the pipin'. After a year you kinda gotta pick that shit up or yer gonna be movin' house every month. An' bro. Like you gotta ask, yo! Even 'fore I was a big dog, it was meat. Burgers an' hot dogs. Triple stack burger with cheese an' bacon, a hot side of fries, an' a large soda. Or loaded up chili dogs, one for each hand, best fer when yer boardin'.
[ "Hungriest boy alive" sigh from behind the fridge door, and he pops his head up, ears perked. ]
An' CURRY, yo. An' meat bowls. An' some fried octopus. An' Chicken Bernani! [ Chicken Biryani... ] ... An' jus' meat in general, I guess? An' spicy.
[ Tail wagging away.... ]
[ He holds the breakfast casserole over his head like treasure he found in an ancient sleeping kingdom, nose working as he sniffs upwards at it. Hmmmmm. That'll go on the counter. What else, lesse.... you let the dog into your fridge, Dipper, this is a bad idea. ]
Oh, dude, yeah. Holes in walls. Arcade machine through the ceilin'. Plants through the pipin'. After a year you kinda gotta pick that shit up or yer gonna be movin' house every month. An' bro. Like you gotta ask, yo! Even 'fore I was a big dog, it was meat. Burgers an' hot dogs. Triple stack burger with cheese an' bacon, a hot side of fries, an' a large soda. Or loaded up chili dogs, one for each hand, best fer when yer boardin'.
[ "Hungriest boy alive" sigh from behind the fridge door, and he pops his head up, ears perked. ]
An' CURRY, yo. An' meat bowls. An' some fried octopus. An' Chicken Bernani! [ Chicken Biryani... ] ... An' jus' meat in general, I guess? An' spicy.
[ Tail wagging away.... ]
Oh! Then I guess I did do a crime. [sounds way too thrilled about stealing from a crime scene]
Hmmm, unhelpful ghostly clues... I think that's a fair handicap! But! We're going to try not to repeat any of that, so those ideas will just have to go to waste. Too bad!
[They should probably try to talk about something besides the kid's unfortunate murder. Different small talk, different small talk... what's a good, kid-friendly topic of conversation...?]
So, how many crimes have you done? You seem to know quite a lot~
Hmmm, unhelpful ghostly clues... I think that's a fair handicap! But! We're going to try not to repeat any of that, so those ideas will just have to go to waste. Too bad!
[They should probably try to talk about something besides the kid's unfortunate murder. Different small talk, different small talk... what's a good, kid-friendly topic of conversation...?]
So, how many crimes have you done? You seem to know quite a lot~
Sweet. [He can approve because it was his own damn crime scene.]
Haha, yeah. What a shame. [It's not. Dipper really isn't trying to get killed again and cause all that trouble for everyone. Also this death in particular rattled him in a special kind of way that he's trying very hard not to think about. When Loop goes for the subject change, Dipper is more than happy to follow.]
How many? Only-
Haha, yeah. What a shame. [It's not. Dipper really isn't trying to get killed again and cause all that trouble for everyone. Also this death in particular rattled him in a special kind of way that he's trying very hard not to think about. When Loop goes for the subject change, Dipper is more than happy to follow.]
How many? Only-
....I'm going to need some paper. I need to make a list.
[Give him a second to get up and find some scratch paper. Now he wants to know.]
Let's see breaking an entering, vandalism, assisted tax fraud, tampering with a corpse...? Does it count if the body's a weird alternate dimension version of yourself? [He's not speaking directly to loop, he seems to be mumbling out loud as he starts to write all his crimes down. This list is long.]
[Give him a second to get up and find some scratch paper. Now he wants to know.]
Let's see breaking an entering, vandalism, assisted tax fraud, tampering with a corpse...? Does it count if the body's a weird alternate dimension version of yourself? [He's not speaking directly to loop, he seems to be mumbling out loud as he starts to write all his crimes down. This list is long.]
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